Bobblehead Dad: 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I Knew
by Jim Higley
June 2011 Book Pick

When Jim Higley accidentally pushed off his annual physical by a year, he figured he'd be fine as he was sure to have "immunity" from any health problem due to the tragedies he'd already suffered in his young life. So when, at the age of forty-four, Jim's PSA level comes back a little high, he's surprised. Not only is he surprised because he thought he had immunity, but he's surprised because he's awfully young to even think about prostate cancer.

Unfortunately, that's exactly what he has to start thinking about.

Within the course of a week, Jim's life changes completely. He goes from "bobbling" around from one commitment to the next, to doing absolutely nothing but sitting by his pool and recuperating from a major surgery. He calls it his "summer of healing." During this time Jim learns unforgettable lessons about life, love, work, friendship, family, and moments that take your breath away. His summer of healing may be more accurately described as a "summer of awakening" from which Jim emerges a completely different, changed man.

Cancer is scary. Bottom line. Jim handled his diagnosis with such finesse and grace that there were times I forgot that he was dealing with a life-threatening situation. Many people would curl up and wait for bad news, but Jim met the challenge head on and allowed himself to learn quite a few things along the way about what he needs to make the rest of his life happy and fulfilled.

A few things I wanted to know more about - how is Jim today in his fight against cancer? And why isn't the mother of his three wonderful children mentioned in the book? Good thing I was fortunate enough to interview him! Let's find out together below...

Discussion Questions

1. How would you have handled a diagnosis like Jim's, especially considering the history of cancer in his family?
2. What did you think about the birth order in Jim's family of five boys? How does birth order affect your family?
3. What was your favorite of Jim's twenty-five lessons? Why?

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

Would you mind telling us where you are at in your fight against cancer now?

I'm just passed my six year anniversary and am still cancer-free. The specific cancer I had has a habit of recurring around 12-13 years later so I basically am on a daily treatment program to keep dormant cancer cells asleep. I go through a full series of tests every three months--and, according to my oncologist--will do so until I die.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

Has your survival given your family members a more positive outlook on such a scary disease considering it's been fatal for three of your other family members?

I'd say it's given us more of an appreciative perspective. We also have a practical outlook. Life's all about the present. Tomorrow isn't a sure thing for any of us. Once you start looking at your life that way, it's easy to see goodness in the moment.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

You are obviously a devoted family man and an excellent father! Can you tell us anything about your children's mother?

I've been the kids' sole caregiver, 24/7, for many years. Like many families, ours has some painful--and best left private--moments. What I can tell you is that the journey the kids and I took during that time built a bond that is impossible to put to words.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

What is your working life like now? What part of your life does it constitute and are you happy with what you are doing?

About a year after the story in my book ends, I stepped out of my twenty-plus year corporate career to simply dedicate my time to be a full-time, stay-at-home parent. My kids needed me. It was as simple as that. And it was the best thing I ever did. In the last couple of years, I've been pursuing my real dream of writing and speaking and have had numerous, incredible opportunities open up to me. Just like I share in Chapter 24 of my book, I've learned to "Expect the Unexpected." I'm beyond happy because my life if full and my kids are healthy and joyous.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

I was incensed over the inconsiderate, hurtful comments you experienced with the deaths of your mother, brother, and father. You seemed to take it all in stride, even trying to understand why someone might say what they did. How were you/are you able to do this?

That chapter seems to get a lot of comments! I really didn't write it to sound as though I was scolding people. And for me, of course, many of those comments did hurt. But I also know and believe in human kindness. I know people try to say the right thing--so I always value that.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

I loved the importance you placed on birth order in your family of five brothers. I am the oldest child of three and our roles are absolutely influenced by our place in the age line. Do you think you would have handled your diagnosis differently had you been, say, the oldest? The middle child?

I've been asked numerous birth order questions--but not this one! I think my birth order really impacted how I approached my recovery. I was very open to stepping back and receiving all that was waiting for me in every day. And, in the end, it was the most important lesson from that experience.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

There's a song by Tim McGraw called "Live like you were Dying" which immediately came to mind when I read your book. Are you familiar with the lyrics? There's a verse that goes:

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you'd do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it?

Your lesson about the daily experiences being what makes our life meaningful was mostly learned during instances of "living like you were dying;" in other words doing things like taking the time to sit by the pool with your neighbors, asking Pam to come visit with you when you knew you'd need her support, and walking with Jack. Is this how you felt?

That song was ginormous right at the time I received my diagnosis. And, on top of it all, our family is big into country music. So it was a song that I heard often. It was a song I shed many tears over because it spoke to me on so many levels. I had just lost my own dad and brother to cancer and now here I was facing the same diagnosis. There's another line that goes, "...I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying..." which is also very meaningful to me. It's much like the message of my book. I hope people get the chance to see the value in the vanilla moments of their life. That's where the richness waits.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

Can you tell us exactly what "Bobblehead Dad" means to you?

It's how I feel so often. A "bobbler." Too many balls in the air. Too much to accomplish. I miss the mark. I trip. So when I call myself a "bobblehead" it's simply my way of saying that I'm human. And it's my reminder that I need to stop bobbling regularly to embrace my life.

Book Club Discussion: Interview with Jim Higley, author of Bobblehead Dad

Do you plan to continue writing? Where is your life journey headed next?

Writing, speaking, talking, sharing! Absolutely. I write for a few U.S. men's magazines and now one in Europe. I'm also just starting a new radio talk show, "Bobblehead Dad." If the subject at hand is parenting, cancer or simply finding meaning in the nooks and crannies of our days, then you'll probably see me close by weighing in!

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